For Laughs - Dutch Fun Phrases

Dutchmen will not expect the words and phrases on this page from a foreigner, so it may cause merriment. But:
Lachen is gezond 2 [to laugh is healthy] laughter is good for your health (de) kwinkslag funny remark
We hadden ouderwets plezier 2 3 We had (good) old-fashioned fun, we had fun like in the old days (looking back to when we thought things were less bleak and complicated) Vroeger was alles beter 'Everything was better in the past' "Vroeger was geluk heel gewoon" 2 'Happiness used to be quite common, happiness was nothing special in the past'

"grapje!" 2 - just kidding! just joking!
"foutje!" 2 3 - Oops! I made a mistake

For 'lunch,' most people in Holland will use the English word.
If it's a hot meal, you could say middageten ('afternoon meal.')
For laughs, you could use the almost Medieval word het noenmaal ('the noon meal') - no Dutchman would say that, but it will be understood. (It's a standard example at school, a word that's similar to the English word but that disappeared from Dutch.)

In a restaurant, (de) spijskaart is an old-fashioned word for the bill of fare. The modern word is (het) menu
Asking for the bill in a restaurant, you could say:
Hoeveel is de schade? which is literally,
'what's the damage?' like, 'How far does that set me back?'
The correct phrase is Mag ik de rekening? 2 3 ('Can I have the bill, please.)

Zullen we de zitting opheffen? 2 'Shall we terminate the session?'
- bureaucratic phrase, but also said to end a sit-down meal

A fun word for piepschuim ('squeak-foam' = polystyrene, styrofoam) is polypiep ('poly-squeak')

The small 'Do Not Eat' paper packets that you find for instance in shoe boxes contain a drying agent that has almost the same name in Dutch as in English: silicagel - but in Dutch it's often humorously mispronounced as silikachel 2 (Dutch (de) kachel is a stove, a heater.)

Ben je van de trap gevallen? 2 ('Did you fall down the stairs?') - asked of a person who has had a radical haircut. Kort koppie! 2 ('short hair')

A common deli meat ('sandwich filling'?) is the cervelaatworst - a kind of mild salami. The name is often corrupted to the soundalike sterf-op-straat worst 2 3 - literally: 'die-in-the-street' sausage

Om 't af te leren 2 3 - 'to unlearn it' - said in jest when taking one more drink or unwholesome snack - 'to break the habit'

polypiep

Ben je van de trap gevallen? 2

sterf-op-straat worst 2 3

An extremely formal way of asking someone's name is:
Met wie heb ik het genoegen?
('Who is it that I have the pleasure [to meet]')

A polite way to ask if you have met someone before is:
Kan het zijn dat ik U ken?
(['Could it be that I know you?] - have we met before?')
If you're very brave you could try the 'uneducated' version:
Ken 't zijn dat ik U kan? (A and E are switched)
For a previous generation, these phrases were part of a joke about the low level of education of the collaborators with the Germans in WWII:
Before the War, mayors would say to each other on meeting 'Kan het zijn dat ik U ken?' - but during the War, mayors would say: 'Ken 't zijn dat ik U kan?'

An extremely formal phrase for offering someone a drink is:
Mag ik U een verfrissing aanbieden?
('May I offer you a refreshment?') - but it's more often said in jest, when opening a window or door in a stuffy room.

For 'excuse me' we usually say the French-derived pardon but there's also the more formal, elaborate Neemt U mij niet kwalijk 2
To apologize for a minor mistake, use the English sorry - note the Dutch R in how I say it
or: Het spijt me 2 ('I am sorry')

Referring to yourself, like for instance when naming the members of your team, you could say
ondergetekende 2 - literally, 'the undersigned' but very much like some people say in English 'Yours Truly.'
Even funnier but more daring is: Ik, zei de gek 2 3 ("Me, the crazy man said")
Describing People

Riding a tandem bicycle in Holland, I would often get the same comment, like:
Die achterop doet er niks aan 2 3 ('The one in back is [not doing anything about it] not helping.') But one time a guy had a comment I thought really funny:
Heb je alweer een andere vrouw? 2 3 ('Again another woman?') - very limited use of course.

Having a hand in your pocket doesn't look good. A jokey comment could be:
Die man gaat verhuizen 2 ('That guy is going to move [house]')
Hij heeft z'n hand al ingepakt ('He's already packed his hand')
In speaking, hij heeft is sometimes run together as hijft:
'Hijft' z'n hand al ingepakt 2 3

dinges - used when you don't know the word for a thing or the name of a person

Welkom in mijn nederige stulp 2 ('welcome to my humble dwelling')

(het) rotklusje 2 ('a miserable small piece of work to do')
(de) krullenbol 2 ('Curly') - the N is very, very faint
belachelijk 2 ('ridiculous')
(de) lastpost ('a person who is a nuisance, a pain in the neck')
(de) snotneus 2 3 (4) [snotty nose] 'whippersnapper' a guy too young for his position
- See also: Describing People

(Het) ros (related to 'horse') is a bit old-fashioned, meaning 'trusted but aging horse.' Jocularly, you could refer to a solid bicycle as your ijzeren ros .

In an office, it may be funny to (occasionally) say Nou, welterusten 2 ('sleep well - happy dreams') when you meet colleagues before you go to your desk, or to ask Heb je lekker geslapen? 2 ('did you sleep well?') later in the day.

In modern Dutch, schoon means 'clean,' but in older Dutch it meant 'beautiful' and it still has that meaning in the South of The Netherlands and in Belgium. (De) schoonheid 2 kept the older meaning and is still 'beauty.'
So it's kind of funny to say Hallo schoonheid 2 3 'hello clean-beauty' to a partner emerging from the shower

When you enter a shop, café or public office and don't see any staff around for service like taking your order or answering your questions, you can call out "volluk!" 2 3 ('volk' - 'people.') The proper pronunciation of (het) volk 2 ('people, nation') doesn't have a second syllable.

Een woordenboek is een leugenboek A [words-book] dictionary is a book fulll of lies

A fun expression of amazement:
Nou breekt m'n klomp. ('That takes the cake/biscuit.' - Literally:
'Now that breaks my clog, Now that makes my wooden shoe fall apart.')
Other mild expressions of amazement:
Grote grutten 2 (something like 'good grief!')
alsjemenou 2 (something like 'holy cow!')
Lieve hemel! ('good heavens!')
Goeje gunst! 2 ('good grief!')
Ook dat nog! 2 ('another problem!')

Very mild curses, no-one should be offended by them:
Deksels! 'lids of pots & pans.'
Drommels! - I guess it has to do with donder ('thunder.')
Bliksems 2 3 ('bolts of lightning.')
Verrek! 2 3 (from verrekken 2 3 'to overstretch' - thank you Maria Anzaldua for reminding me)
Jeetje! 2 3 Jeez! (a bit childish.)
mild disappointment: hè heg
mild surprise: Gôh 2
See also: Dutch Accent for the Stage

Ik ben een eenvoudig iemand. ("I'm a plain and simple man (or woman)" - iemand is 'a person,' man or woman)
een gewone jongen ('a regular guy')

Ik heb al verkering ('I am already in a steady relationship' - said as an excuse for not caring much about your appearance, not spending money on a stylish haircut or fashionable clothes.)

Je kunt niet alles weten. 2 ('[You can't] It is not possible to know everything.')

't Blijft tobben. ('There's always something, things never go entirely right.')
When you're not feeling great, you could answer the question
Hoe gaat 't? ('How are you?') with belabberd 2 ('pretty bad, miserable') - or:
Men sleept zich voort 2 3 ('Struggling ... just hanging in there')

Vrijheid blijheid 2 ('Freedom brings along happiness')

De bliksem is zeker ingeslagen 2 3 ('lightning must have hit' - said when a traffic light takes long to change)

Rij jij of rij ik? 2 3 ('Are you driving or am I driving?' - said by the driver when passengers ('backseat drivers') criticize his driving)

Alle gekheid op een stokje 2 ('[All the silliness on a stick] - joking aside,' now let's stop the joking and get down to business.)

flauwekul! 2 ('nonsense!') - kletskoek! 2 3 ('nonsense!' [chat-cake, something thought up by a chatterbox])
Wat een onzin! 2 ('such nonsense!')
't Is allemaal onzin! 2 (['It's all nonsense'] - 'it's pure nonsense')
Zwammen is 'to talk nonsense' - hij zit te zwammen ('he's talking nonsense')

grappenmaker ('maker of jokes, joker') - praatjesmaker ('talker, bigmouth')

'Brommen' 2 usually means something like 'to growl' or 'to grumble' though it can also mean 'to ride a small motorcycle' (brommer 2 / bromfiets 2) and it's a slang word for 'doing time in prison.'
'Wat ik je brom' 2 is something Dutchmen can say in conclusion of a statement about how an event or situation will develop or what's behind a mystery, like 'It will happen or turn out as I said, I will be right.' It would be funny to hear the Dutch phrase from a foreign speaker.

Daar kun je donder op zeggen! 2 3 It will be like that, Absolutely! (That statement is absolutely correct)

'Ik ga liever gewoon dood' 2 3 4
'I'd rather die in the regular way'
- said when mock-protesting or trying to refuse something slightly risky, but more commonly commenting on an unpleasant task or given food you really don't like

More serious conversation lines and Sayings and Idiom

hagedis (lizard) /or/ salamander (salamander)

Mild Slang

matten 2 ('to fight,' like a fistfight) - also only used in the infinitive.
matten met de politie ('fighting with the police')

't Most niet magge 2 ('[it shouldn't be allowed] it's an outrage, how does the Lord allow?' - humorous)
In more proper Dutch it would be something like " 't Zou niet moeten mogen," but nobody says that.

Je hebt z'n rooie kop 2 3 ['you have such a red head'] 'you're red in the face' (usually from exercise or the sun)

mokkel 2 ('an attractive young woman,' like a trophy wife)
stuk 2 ('an attractive young woman') - plural: stukken
minkukel ('a jerk') - flapdrol ('[flopping turd] - a ridiculous person, male')
oen 2 ('a stupid guy, a person who habitually acts in a stupid way') - hij is een oen ('he is stupid.')
kwibus ('a weird, idiosyncratic person') - 'n rare kwibus 2
mafkees ('a guy deliberately behaving in an odd way, a goofball')

Dat lust ik niet or, talking rough, drop T's: da lus' ik nie
('I don't like the taste of that, I don't want to eat it') - but even properly pronounced it's not a polite thing to say.

een bakje troost 2 ('a cup of coffee' - "Joe") - 'n bakkie troost 2
Proper Dutch is een kopje koffie - suiker ('sugar') - melk ('cream') - slagroom ('whipped cream') >>

sjiek (chique) 2 ('classy') - een sjieke tent ('a classy, expensive restaurant') - regular Dutch: een duur restaurant 2

Je ouwelui 2 ['your olds folks'] 'your parents'

(De) mop 2 / (het) mopje - 'joke,' a funny, very short story told for laughs
(De) grap / (het) grapje 2 3 - 'joke' (both told and practical)
1-april grap 2 3 April 1st joke
grappig 2 3 (grappig / grappige ) - 'entertaining, funny,' makes you laugh or smile
(De) grappenmaker / (de) grapjas 2 - 'joker'
geestig 2 - 'witty,' clever and funny
geestig iemand 2 - witty person - een geestig iemand - a witty person
(De) humor 2 - 'humor'
komisch 2 (komisch / komische ) - 'comical'
See also: lachen 2 'to laugh'

Hij vertelde ons snel een paar mopjes 2	He quickly told us a few jokes
Wie weet er nog een mop?	[Who knows a joke?] Anybody has a joke to tell?
Wie weet er nòg een mop? 2	Who still [knows] has another joke to tell? (people have been telling jokes for a while)
Een mopje dat ik kan begrijpen 2 3	A joke that I can understand
Je vindt mijn mopjes niet leuk 2 3	You don't like my jokes
Niemand lachte om mijn mopjes/grapjes 2 3 4 5	Nobody laughed at my jokes - more lachen
Daar kun je geen grapjes over maken 2 3	[You can make no jokes ...] - You can't joke about that
Hij probeert grappig te zijn 2	He's trying to be funny (and failing)
't Hoeft niet grappig te zijn 2 3 4	It doesn't have to be funny
Dat is grappig 2 3	That's funny

(Het) zweet 2 'sweat' - zweten 2 ('to sweat') - zweterig 'sweaty.' My mother always said not to use those words but say instead: transpireren ('to sweat') and (de) transpiratie 2 ('sweat.')
Je bent bezweet 2 You are sweaty
Je hebt gezweet 2 [You have sweated] - You worked up a sweat, you have made an effort, exerted yourself
In het zweet des aanschijns ... 2 3 ['By the sweat of your brow' (Genesis 3:19) - 'In the sweat on your face'] - With sweat on your face (you'll have to work hard) See also: overgeven 2 / spugen 2 to vomit, throw up ‑>>

De hele santekraam 'the whole shebang'

in 'n zucht en 'n scheet 2 ['in a sigh and a fart'] - without paying much attention, without much effort

See and hear also Hebrew and Yiddish Words in Dutch

ik glimlach

ik lach

More Phrases:
The Most Basic Phrases - Weather - Food and Drink - Travel - Sleep - Various

Time - Life - Change

Jobs and Lines of Work - The Senses - Using Words - 'What I Want' - Speaking Dutch, Speaking about Dutch - Sayings and Idiom

Further Study:
Basic Dutch Words - Pictures Dictionary - Easy Dutch - Lessons - Pronunciation - Listening - Reading - Grammar

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Don't be a dief (thief) / dievegge (female thief) - diefstal (theft) - stelen (to steal) - heler (dealer in stolen goods) - hear Dutch - 2